What do you do if you know there's a book within you but you can't reach it?
Where do you go if you just can't feel it?
I have visited this part of my existence for more times than I care to remember or go through again. It is a hollow place where only darkness resides, mockingly jibing me in the dark shadows of the corners of my mind.
If I feel anything at all, lately, I feel empty. And self hate and, self loathing.
And, very much like a failure.
I just don't know where to go on from here, with my so called writing, my dream of being an artist, my fantasy of having a life of my own and completing my goal of having a creative life?
I just don't know where to go from here...
I failed at taking a shift at work today because I was so extremely tired, so tired in fact that I didn't remember even saying no.
After I woke up-much later- all I could think of was that, no other successful person would have said no. They would have found the strength to go to work and do a full shift. This is going to bring me down at work and it is all I can do to not break out of my house and run to nearest place that sells liquor/store.
I want to be better than this but, at my age, I'm ashamed to say that I don't know how...
